Payson is bringing her secrets out of the dark...stay tuned!

by Payson

     Wow. It's been an entire year since I've written anything for this blog. That's ridiculous. 
     Hopefully I can write more regularly once this next issue of the magazine comes out. Why do I have to wait until the next issue comes out? Because I will be in the next issue. Like, the real me. So basically this will be my last anonymous blog post. Yeah. I said it. I'm revealing myself! You finally get to know who I really am, which is terrifying to me.
     Having to share secrets and share your struggles with anyone is a scary thing to do. Admitting that you mess up and you aren't perfect is scary. But sometimes it's just necessary.
     In my situation, if I didn't tell anyone about my struggles with anorexia, bulimia, and self harm, I probably would have died. At the time I didn't think that. I thought I was fine. Looking back I can see how messed up it was for me to think that I was okay.
     I've come a long way since then. But that doesn't mean I'm cured. I still struggle. Some days are better than others. But now I have a support system in place to help me through those hard days.
     The next step for me is to basically share who I am and what I've been through with the world. I want people to know that I'm not ashamed of what I've been through. That it's scary, but telling people is okay if it means you will get help. I don't want eating disorders and self harm to be something no one really ever talks about. It's a real thing and a lot of people are affected by it, and if me sharing my story helps people understand that, then that's what I want to do.
     I'm going to be honest. I'm absolutely terrified. But, I'm no longer ashamed. So the next time you'll hear from me, I'll really be me. The real me. With all my screw ups and all my imperfections. I hope you take it easy on me!